Constipation

This post is classic.

At least in my world. This is about me trying to prove to myself that maybe I still have that writing mojo, which I think I lost somewhere between being active on Twitter and having a job that requires me to stare at phrases and terms I barely understand. This is about me hoping to be able to go back.

I don’t puke words for a living. I just do so for my sanity. And now that nothing seems to be oozing from my brain, I’m scared.

It’s way easier to make your poop come out.

/brainfart

Pageants and Religions

“If I had to change my religious beliefs, I would not marry the person that I love. Because the first person that I love is God, who created me. And I have my faith, my principles, and this is what makes me who I am. And if that person loves me, he should love my God too.” – Shamcey Supsup, Miss Universe 2011 third runner up

Miss Universe 2011 third runner up Shamcey Supsup

There’s nothing more awesome than watching someone share his/her beliefs in front of thousands of people. I don’t know much about pageants, but what the newest Filipina pride Shamcey Supsup shared with the world is something that a lot of people might actually disagree with.

I was one of those who watched the replay of Miss Universe 2011 at home, I’m allowed to boo my work hours for that. I got home just in time for the Q&A portion. My initial reaction to Miss Philippines’ answer was that it was just okay. I thought that given the pressure of being on stage and knowing that the clock’s ticking away, this might probably be the best answer anyone could ever come up with. After a while, though, I realized that this was a personal stance. This was her way of saying she won’t let anything and anyone go between her and her God, not even love. This didn’t please everyone because we all know how sensitive a topic religion is.

Personally, I would’ve loved to hear her talk about interfaith marriages. About respecting one’s faith, one’s religion. About how people’s love for each other should strengthen their relationship and help bridge misunderstandings between religions. Then again, I’m pretty sure her answer wouldn’t have been as great as what she has given because that is not what she believes in.

In the end, it all boils down to respecting people’s opinions and religious beliefs.

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P.S. I think (and I don’t care if I’ve to say this repeatedly) Shamcey Supsup deserves more than that third runner up title for her answer alone and bonus points should be given because of the way she said that with prowess and conviction.

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*Image from pinoypower.net

All’s Well

That one moment when I blocked everything out & started thinking of the people who apparently have a grudge on me because of something I didn’t do.

The problem with rumors is that they usually reach their victims when the lies have been altered several times, almost to the point of it being so incomprehensible, so far out from the issue at hand. The problem with the rumor about me is that it reached me only when it has developed into a fully grown bastard, the kind that people have already accepted as the truth. The problem with me is that I refused to stand up and slit everyone’s throats clear my name.

Yes, I am a victim. I may not be so in certain people’s eyes, but I am. And so are the people who believed and continue to believe the issue that I, allegedly, ruined something beyond repair. I chose to keep quiet despite everything. I thought then that my battle was nothing compared to that of someone else. I know that that was the right thing to do. I chose to keep quiet and allowed the rumor to die out. The rumor died. But so did my only chance of having everything straightened out, of letting people know that I’m innocent.

There’s no point standing up against anyone now. The wounds have healed.

That one moment when I realized that other people’s thoughts, evil or otherwise, could never harm me in any way unless I allow them to do so.

Most people describe me as someone who is casually unconcerned with others’ nasty opinions. They’re quite right. On most days, I’m pretty much like that, but not bordering on indifference. I listen, I take mental notes on who I shouldn’t trust, but I don’t let them affect me. At least, not anymore. 

I’m dropping my crappy plans of letting people know that on a certain issue, on that one Jurassic issue, I’m clean. It doesn’t matter now. For as long as the people involved know the truth, for as long as the people closest to me know the truth, all’s well.

Hell Holes

I feel vulnerable, angry, confused.

I refuse to rant (a.k.a. torture my friends and my boyfriend) about what it is that bothers me, though. They don’t have to know, anyway. They may have their own little opinions, but they don’t have to know. This is between me and my overused brain cells.

All they have to know is that I’m perfectly in charge of my emotions. I can make myself happy just by making a cup of coffee or by burying myself in whatever fictional world there is. I can control my thoughts, my words.

I want to allow myself to feel angry, though. To feel sad or depressed about little things. I think it’ll help me learn. I’m not sure what I would learn, but there’s bound to be something. In the next few weeks, I’d know.

For now, I can help myself. Or others can help me, too. Only they would never know ’cause I won’t allow them to. Surely, they have their own hell holes to deal with.

In High Spirits

I’m so happy I feel like sprinkling fairy dust everywhere I go. That is if the fairy dust ain’t glitters and/or small, sticky, shiny stuff.

These past few weeks, I’ve been focusing on ditching the pessimist in me, it’s a battle I’m winning (Hurrah!). I mean, the world’s radically depressing only if you think of it as such, right? Once you get the hang of thinking in a really positive way, you also get the bonus of having your brain tweaked to not think negatively of other people. Pretty good deal, I tell you.

I’m only as good as my last thought. Lately, I couldn’t help but think about this line every time an odd situation would arise. I don’t know if it could be of any help to others, but it sure helps me a lot.

I don’t think this automatically makes me a good person per se. I think I’m just better. I like better.